


"Your acting mental"

by Crissyliz86



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 22:16:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20053399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crissyliz86/pseuds/Crissyliz86
Summary: AU to Finn breaking the bathroom door down when Rae is in the bath having a vision of him saving her!





	1. Chapter 1

He watched as they carried her out from the bathroom, the pain in his shoulder nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

Standing there soaking wet shivering, sobbing uncontrollably, what had he missed he chastised himself.

Karim shakes him gently ushering him to Raes room he can't breath he has to be at the hospital but he's wet and so cold.

Karim places his arm Finns in a small voice says, you dry, Raes shirts we go hospital yeah?"

Finn remains still as Karim hastily leaves the room, looking around he feels like he's in another world her room is cold and lit by the street light, her desk lamp on the floor surrounded by numerous food wrappings, he's lost as what to do, reaching her wardrobe he reaches up to grab one of her shirts "fuck that hurts" his shoulder causing him to drop to his knees.

He slips his soggy leather jacket off as slowly as possibly wondering if he's broken his shoulder or collar bone or all of it who cares he's tries to hurry it up but the pain is making him wince.

Pulling on Raes shirt he can smell her on it and it makes his brain hurt and his heart pound so hard in his chest it's hurting what have I missed what??

The car crash with chloe?

The pressure of exams?

The pressure of going away to university?

The way he'd called her mental as she couldn't beleive she deserved to have him back?

What could be so bad she'd sink a full bottle of meds and climb into a hot bath?

**********************

Rae had held it together till she rounded the corner furthest from the pub, she placed her hands on something flat and counted to 10 but the tears and the shaking began in earnest she'd never felt so lost, she didn't deserve Finn she didn't deserve her friends she was just a fuck up and a burden on everyone! 

Forcing herself to turn around she watched as Katie Springer slid onto the back of Finns scooter behind him that's all it took for the dam to break beyond what she could control bad thoughts drowned the months of therapy she knew what and where she needed to be, she allowed her legs to carry her home, she'd swollowed as many pills as she could whilst the bath ran hot would she feel the scald of the water? 

Slipping into the water felt like heaven as her stomach flipped and her body heaved from the insesent sobbing. Her eye lids grew heavy till all she could her was the thudding of her heart, the water engulfed her. 

She'd not heard the banging on the front door, the thundering of feet upstairs or the glass of the mirror shattering as Finn had thrown himself at the door bursting in. 

*****************************

Finn had driven katie Springer home, she'd wanted to help with Rae and Finn was so out of his comfort zone of knowing how to help her had agreed to talk at her house, the tea hadn't even stewed in the cup before Katie's mouth was on his and in that split second Finn had pushed her away shouting "what the fuck" 

He turned on his heal and fled knowing that no matter what Rae had said she needed him to be there, arriving at her house he could see the bathroom light on and Linda and baby Jasmine in the kitchen, he eagerly banged on the door, Linda had told him to calm down but in that moment Finn knew Rae would be punishing herself in the shower using the hot water to scald and burn her skin to stop how much she was struggling and hurting mentally, he'd barged at the door with such force he'd gone through almost instantly, he'd not seen Rae until he had been in the bath room seeing her under the water had been the most frightening thing he'd seen, her dead weight difficult to hold up as he screamed and shouted for Linda, Raes still body had him hysterical as Linda approached, they had managed to get Rae out of the water, Linda had started CPR, Finn had all but fell down then stairs to the phone to call an ambulance. 

When he returned to the bathroom Linda was beginning to panic as her daughter just wasn't responding, in the next moment Rae coughed and expelled some water and and started to breath Linda put her in the recovery position Finn just stood holding out a bath towel in shock of the whole scene. 

*************************

Linda was waiting outside for them as Karim and Finn arrived, Finns heart dropped thinking the worse and his tears flowed freely, the pain in his shoulder unbearable with every sob. 

Karim reached Linda first as Finn slid out of the car, she held her arms open and he was pretty much on the floor, before he reached her, Linda was a women of substance and cuddles was not her style so it could only mean one thing. 

"Finn Finn" Linda's voice broke through the turmoil preventing him from opening his eyes. 

" She's going to be ok, but it's going to take some time physically she'll be sore and will need regular liver function tests but when she wakes up they will need her to see a psychiatrist to assess the next steps as this is obviously a huge step back in her recovery " Linda swollowed hard as she explained.

He asked to see her but Linda had forced him to A&E to get himself xrayed, sitting alone he played over the last few days, what had he done he should of been so proud of her for getting in uni he shouldn't of made her feel bad or accused her of lying, it had been his fault they was in Chloes car the night of the crash, and he realised calling her Mental was pretty much the last thing he had said to her, as his chest tightened he felt an arm slide around him "da its all my fault" 

Gary had held him as he relayed the days and weeks events that had them all now sat in the hospital. Gary went to get tea, tea makes everything better wishing his mum was around she'd know how to fix all this. 


	2. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having been through parts of thia myself as a teen and now at 33 my mad fat diary reminds me i survived that storm too.
> 
> My writing isnt up to much either sorry.

When Rae had come around, she'd startled awake, the machine to her right beeping loudly as her heart rate jumped up, a nurse came in through the curtains and pressed some buttons and the beeping subsided to a low hum again, Rae glanced to her left to see Finn watching her, waiting for her reaction, she tried to say "sorry" her voice horse she wondered what had happened!

Then like the car crash it came back to her, she shouted well tried to at Finn to get out now, a nurse came in and took Finn out of the cubicle before coming back in to adjust the now beeping machine again!

A short time after her mum came in and whispered "I'm here little chicken don't speak" Rae's already delicate state brought on tears, like her mum had pierced that big back pack of bullshit she'd been carrying for ever!  
Lying there with her mum holding her hand and watching each other, she felt scared as to how close she had obviously come to never seeing her mum or anyone else again!

When the psychiatrist had finished there initial assessment, Rae was informed she needed to do 21 days voluntary at the Unit she'd been in the previous spring, she agreed on the basis she had no visitors for the time being she didn't want to see anyone right now, they'd all be poking blame and arguing about who's fault it was that Rae had cracked and she just didn't have mental strength to cope with it right now!  
She'd asked her mum to send writing supplies and stickers and stamps in for her along with her address book from her bedroom dresser maybe she could explain to her freinds. 

She also wanted to Thank Finn for saving her life after all it was only polite.   
She' d not noticed till after everyone had left she'd missed the sony Walkman placed on the table to her left, during the transfer she asked the nurse to put the Walkman in her bag it was like a lead weight in her lap!

Hi Chloe,  
Well I'm not going to state the obvious, and as I've got some spare time to think things over I thought I'd write, please don't be offended I don't want you to visit just yet.  
I have new meds, and a new green fur throw for my bed that my mum brought me in feels like I'm asleep on a bear.  
I'm sorry for everything the crash the lies the falling out, but most of all for you telling me you didn't like Katie Springer, I thought you was Jeleous, I was so wrapped up in my own stuff like usual I didn't see her snake her way in. I dont know if you know this or not but you mustn't fall out with Finn, I watched them leave the pub together, watching her climb on his bike with ease his hand slipping into hers to ease her on, minutes after he'd told me I was acting mental, I'm guess Katie isn't. I hope you get back on track with you business studies course. Anyway I don't know when this will arrive but this is day 3 of my recovery and only I can save myself this time.  
Always  
Rae  
X x x

Hi Archie,  
I know you'll be disappointed out of everyone that I didn't come and see you speak to you but I just couldn't, watching Finn ride off with Katie wrapped around him that afternoon was just to much, the pain and self hatred in that moment was consuming, I just didn't realise how consuming till I woke up too the beeping machines, Finn was there but i honestly didnt want to see him, I'll never love anyone the same but he's hurt me and I need some time to come to terms with stuff, I'll write again when you can visit, please don't bore everyone in the pub, you'll never find a fella.  
Love always  
Rae  
X x X 

Daddy Chop,  
Now now don't give me that look things will be OK, just look after Izzy.  
No more sniffing pepper and no more elephant jokes.  
I will be back soon i promise but i need to get better, this was nobodies fault. I'll write when you can visit maybe you can sneak me in a snake bite.  
You and Izzy will be ok give it time!  
Always  
RAEMONDO! 

Hi Izzy,  
You need to keep smiling, that smile is lile fluffy kitten's and rainbows on rainy days, you know you did nothing wrong and your one of my best (only) friends, might need some time to get better but i will please send photos of you and the other of possible without Finn.  
Love  
Rae  
X x X

Hi Finn,  
I'll keep this short and sweet I've returned your Walkman with this note. I didn't listen and I don't want to listen.   
Thank you for saving me, but only I can save myself now!  
Rae

Rae ask's the nurse on duty to post out her letters, before going back to her room, she had to face hour's of therapy and treatment again but she knew that it was now or never she needed to save herself and start living, yes she'd lost Finn but she had Uni too look forward to it would be her fresh start it had to be, she wouldn't have to be crazy Rae she could be Rae who was a big sister, Rae who saved her mum, Rae who would always be there for her friends.


End file.
